Canine Couture

jesse hatweb

In which Violet Greer talks to animals.

I have a troubling and unfortunately not unusual case this week. Francesca is a French poodle. Poodles are notoriously intelligent (often outsmarting their owners). She is well on her way to taking over this household.

“I ‘ave no problems to deescuss wiz you. I am tres fantastique, no? Look at moi. I ‘ave a beautiful sweater and a matching chapeau. I am so lucky to live wiz zee lovely girls. My seester went to live with some ‘orrible boys. Zhey never dress ‘er in couture and she eez always muddy. Zhere is only one boy in my ‘ouse. ‘E is le daddy. I should not say zees, but I am ‘is favoureet. Why would I not be?”

Francesca was a difficult session. She wouldn’t deign to discuss any of her problems with me. Her family reports that she monopolizes the father’s time, steals hair ribbons, and demands only home cooked cuisine. I’m not sure I will be able to get through to her, but I will report back as I work with her. Have you ever had a demanding pet? Have you ever suspected your dog is smarter than you are?


Secrets and lies

Olive boneweb

In which Violet Greer talks to animals.

This is Olive. And her bone. According to her family, she hides the bone all over the house. Her owner is a writer and even found it among her manuscript papers. Unlike some strange dog behaviors, this one is more perplexing than annoying. Because Olive is a rescue dog, her family doesn’t know her history or habits.

When I pressed her on this issue, she refused to admit to hiding the bone.

“Yeah, that’s my bone,” she said. “I don’t hide it. That’s crazy. It wasn’t me. I think it was the girl, or maybe one of the boys.”

I pointed out to her that the children don’t chew on bones and were unlikely to be the ones hiding it.

“No one saw me hide it, right? You have no proof. If I hid it and I’m not saying I did, then it would have been because I want to surprise my family with a chewy treat.”

Many dogs hide bones and treats. They may be continuing behaviors that were protective in the past. Dogs may have hidden food from other animals in the wild if they had too much to eat at one meal. I’m more concerned that Olive feels the need to lie about it. Who does she think will get the blame for hiding her bone? I will have to work with her some more to get to the bottom of this…

Thanks to Kali and Troy for sharing their photos! ~de

Easy rider crashes into reality


In which Violet Greer talks to animals.

I’m Violet Greer, here for my weekly pet psychic reading. I have an interesting case this week.

Archie is quite the rebel. He told me this is a picture of him on his hog, and that he goes out with the other One Percenters just about every night. “Yeah…” he sighed, stretching his hind legs and flashing his studded claws “I’m pretty dedicated to the Life. I got patched when I was just a pup and I’ve been ridin’ high and tight with my Brothers (what a buncha’ scooter trash they are) ever since, shakin’ the heat and prowlin’ the subs ‘til the crack a dawn.”

I have no idea what any of that means. Seth tells me Archie must think he’s part of a motorcycle gang. In reality, Archie is house trained and has an intense fear of flies. “I dunno man, they wig me out. Make me feel like a squid when I’m just tryin t’ ride. I’m gunna get me some Wilted Wings soon if I ain’t careful.”

His family reports that he thinks he’s human and sees no difference between himself and the two boys in the family. Archie will require more sessions with me. I’ll try to get to the bottom of his interest in motorcycles. I might have to point out that he has no thumbs and therefore cannot actually drive the bike. But I try to reserve that sort of shock therapy for only the toughest cases.

Do you have a pet laboring under delusions?

(Shout out to my son, Jake, for Archie’s “reading” -de)

Squeaky rewards

In which Violet Greer talks to animals.

My name is Violet Greer, Rose Fortune’s sister and Clyde Fortune’s aunt. Harriet asked me to participate in the blog because I’m an animal psychic. I’m not sure about supporting Harriet since she seems to be so mad at Clyde, but I do support Crystal Haven. I’ve helped many kinds of animals from cats to horses. I mostly try to help pet owners when their pet is misbehaving. It helps to hear the animal’s side of the story. I’ll do a reading each Thursday on the blog. If any readers would like to volunteer their pets, please send a picture and a description of the problem to VioletPetPsychic at gmail dot com.


This is Rowdy. He has a long list of issues, so we’ll start small. Rowdy really likes his squeaky toys. He’s also, according to his humans, very bossy. They report that whenever they do anything that he likes – feed him, come home, let him outside – his first response is to find a favorite toy and squeak it.  This can be very disruptive at times, as Rowdy will do this for several minutes or more, getting louder and louder.

I spent some time with Rowdy and he was surprised his family didn’t understand him. He shared with me a memory he had of puppy training when his people would use a “clicker” noise maker to reward him for doing something right. The noise was quickly followed by a treat, which is why Rowdy remembered it so well. (He wanted me to mention that a few more treats during the day would be welcomed.) He claims he would rather give them a treat, but since he doesn’t have easy access to the food, he has decided to reward good behavior with squeaks. He refuses to stop this behavior as he is convinced his people like it. He will definitely need more work with me.

Does your pet do strange things? Share your story in the comment box, or send a picture with the problem to the email listed above. See you next week!

Tarot tutorial by Rose Fortune

Hello! I’m Rose Fortune and I’m so glad you found this blog. Actually, I’m glad I managed to write something on this blog. My grandson, Seth, helped. He knows how to do all these new things like texting and downloading music and movies, and something called twitter. I have to admit, I prefer the old way of doing things. But, Harriet is very persuasive and she thinks Crystal Haven needs a blog.

I want to take a moment before I tell you about the tarot to explain that I’m sure Clyde didn’t mean to portray Crystal Haven in a bad way. She’s my daughter, and although we don’t see eye to eye on anything I don’t think she would intentionally harm Crystal Haven. She grew up here.

Apparently, her book is a cozy mystery. She very clearly published it as fiction and as my sister, Vi, says “publicity is publicity” or something like that. If people read the book and decide to come to Crystal Haven to see what we have to offer, where’s the harm? But as the head of the historical society, Harriet is protective.

Well, on to the tarot. I will try to give a little insight on different aspects of the tarot with each post. It takes years of study to understand all of the possible readings of just one card. When the cards are combined in a layout, the meanings are compounded.

The tarot consists of four suits with cards numbered from one to ten and four face cards (king, queen, knight, and page). This will be familiar to anyone who has played a card game with a regular deck of cards. The tarot deck also has a second group of twenty-two cards called the major arcana giving us seventy-eight cards rather than fifty-two.

There are all sorts of decks out there from the traditional Rider-Waite pack to decks featuring fairies, goddesses, Egyptian gods, and even some lovely hand drawn artwork. I like to experiment with different decks and see which ones give me the best information. It’s my opinion that the cards will speak to the individual and each person sees something different in the pictures.

Next time, I’ll write about meanings of individual cards. Do any of you have a favorite deck?