Superiority Complex

skeffington

In which Violet Greer talks to animals.

Here is another case of an animal with an active fantasy life. This cat has all the dogs and the people in the house under his command. They asked me to help them understand why he’s so bossy.

“I am Sir Skeffington. I have a staff of two canines and five humans. It’s really hardly enough to keep the estate running, but I carry on regardless.”

When I mentioned that his name is actually Tiger, he sniffed derisively and turned his back on me.

“My minions amuse themselves at my expense, but they know who is in charge. Sir Skeffington will not be trifled with!”

I asked if he thought he could work with his “staff” in a kinder manner. He seemed to take this into consideration.

katedogandcat

Based on the purring, he might be improving his “leadership skills.”

Thanks to Kate and Steve for sharing their photos! ~de

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Lord of the Flies

rowdytoilet

In which Violet Greer talks to animals.

Violet Greer again sharing another session with Rowdy. It is fly season where Rowdy lives. That means the family is on Red Alert. There is a lot of discussion about flies, and how they might get in the house, and how one might have been spotted, and whether Rowdy has seen it.

Like many small dogs, Rowdy has an over-inflated sense of his own power in the world. He spends his time protecting the perimeter of his territory with the kind of zeal that most dogs reserve for steak. He fears nothing and will take on all threats to his home and family – except for flies.

His family will notice a sudden hush has descended. No low growls of warning to people who are still hundreds of yards away in the public park that Rowdy can see from his perch on the back of the couch, no excessive barking when a dog is spotted. Rowdy will not answer when he is called and will not be lured out with promises of treats. The family has no choice but to begin checking behind the toilets.

Once found, Rowdy will come out if a fresh fly corpse is presented. He is not fooled by a long-dead fly. I may need to work with the family member who thinks it would be a good idea to keep a jar of dead flies around just to get the dog out from behind the tank. Maybe Diana, my niece’s Wiccan friend has that sort of thing, but I imagine it’s unsanitary, not to mention gross.

rowdytoilet2

Once out, Rowdy ventures carefully into the rest of the house scanning the ceiling like a bomb spotter from WWII. The moment he decides it is “all clear” he resumes his normal activities and refuses to acknowledge he was ever behind the toilet. I will have to spend some more time with him to get to the bottom of this…

Very Important Princess

Haley

In which Violet Greer talks to animals.

This is Emily (not her real name – she is worried about the paparazzi). She has superiority issues that are unrecognized by her family. On the occasion in question, she had become skittish while on her usual walk through a local park. I sat down with her and asked her why she thinks her owners called me to help her. (Imagine a British accent because that’s how I heard it.) “I have no idea. I am a princess. I am perfect. Therefore, I do not need your help, Miss Greer. You may go now. Good day.”

I told her I wouldn’t leave until she told me her story.

“Oh bollocks, this is rubbish! Bugger off!” So on and so forth. You get the idea. After I bribed her with a strawberry shortcake with vanilla cream frosting, she agreed to cooperate with me.

“I was going for a walk with my mum and everything was just hunky dory until I glanced to my left and saw a DARK AND OMINOUS PATH. I stopped in my tracks refusing to go into the DARK AND OMINOUS PATH. Bigfoot could have been in there! What do you mean bigfoot’s not real!? Rubbish! Bigfoot is exceptionally real. I saw it on an episode of animal planet with Daddy. I would rather roll in deer dung than meet bigfoot.”

I have advised the family to limit her exposure to television and check back in a month. I doubt I can fix the princess attitude, but I might be able to help with the fear of dark places…

shout out to Ellie and Jake, again, who know this dog very well – de

Feline Hygienist

skeffington

In which Violet Greer talks to animals.

Violet Greer again. This is Sam. Sam has a problem. He’s a germophobe. It’s quite a serious case. Many cats suffer a little bit from an over-zealous fastidiousness, but Sam doesn’t like to groom himself. He finds it “disgusting.”

“Have you seen the way they lick their paws, and legs, and…other areas? It’s horrible! Then they hack up a hair ball and just leave it there for anyone to step in! No way am I doing that. Can you imagine the germs involved? I’ll be lucky if I don’t die of some awful disease.”

Sam’s family keeps finding him in the dryer. It’s as if he has a sixth sense about when the door is open and there he is, ready to go. “The kids. Follow the kids. They rummage for socks and then it’s go time!”

“Well, I have to get clean somehow and there’s no way I’m going to lick all that fur myself. The other machine seems to make the clothes wet and drippy. This machine makes them warm, fluffy, and they smell clean. Why can’t I use it, too?”

I explained about the extreme heat and likelihood of injury. I don’t know if it worked – he was hiding under the bed when I left…

Thanks to my daughter, Ellie, for reading Sam’s mind. -de

Thanks to Kate and Steve for sharing their photo! ~de