In which Violet Greer talks to animals.
This is Emily (not her real name – she is worried about the paparazzi). She has superiority issues that are unrecognized by her family. On the occasion in question, she had become skittish while on her usual walk through a local park. I sat down with her and asked her why she thinks her owners called me to help her. (Imagine a British accent because that’s how I heard it.) “I have no idea. I am a princess. I am perfect. Therefore, I do not need your help, Miss Greer. You may go now. Good day.”
I told her I wouldn’t leave until she told me her story.
“Oh bollocks, this is rubbish! Bugger off!” So on and so forth. You get the idea. After I bribed her with a strawberry shortcake with vanilla cream frosting, she agreed to cooperate with me.
“I was going for a walk with my mum and everything was just hunky dory until I glanced to my left and saw a DARK AND OMINOUS PATH. I stopped in my tracks refusing to go into the DARK AND OMINOUS PATH. Bigfoot could have been in there! What do you mean bigfoot’s not real!? Rubbish! Bigfoot is exceptionally real. I saw it on an episode of animal planet with Daddy. I would rather roll in deer dung than meet bigfoot.”
I have advised the family to limit her exposure to television and check back in a month. I doubt I can fix the princess attitude, but I might be able to help with the fear of dark places…
shout out to Ellie and Jake, again, who know this dog very well – de