Hectic Holiday

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In which Violet Greer talks to animals.

As I’m sure you are aware, the holidays can be brutal. Everyone running around trying to get ready for their winter holiday of choice. It can be exhausting. My fingers are cramping up from all the knitting I’ve been doing. Then there’s the baking and decorating and wrapping.

I was called to see Tanner this week because he seemed “withdrawn” according to his family. You may remember Tanner from this post and this one. He lives with two small children which doesn’t always translate to the type of relaxing life he desires. It seems he has taken over the kid chair and won’t give it up. His owner called in a panic because she brought the chair home from the store and was planning to hide it before the kids came home from school. Tanner wouldn’t budge.

“I love this chair! It’s perfect for me,” Tanner said.

“Um, Tanner?” I said.

“I was starting to feel really neglected, but this just proves I am still top dog around here.”

“Tanner?”

“Before those kids came along I got all the best stuff. But this chair is the best present ever!”

“Don’t you think it’s a little small for you?”

“Small? No.”

“But you can’t stretch out. You have to curl up in a ball.”

“Yeah, that’s the way I like to relax.”

“What about your nice big bed, over there?” I pointed into the other room.

“Yeah, the girls can have that one. This one is right where the action is!”

The owner began casting desperate glances in my direction and tapping her watch.

“The kids will be home soon, Tanner.”

“I know! Wait until they see this!”

I decided to accept defeat. I told the owner to buy  something else for the kids and let Tanner keep the bed.

Thanks to Kris and Tom for the picture ~ de

Escape Artist

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In which Violet Greer talks to animals.

This is Misty. She may look sweet, but she’s tough. She likes nothing more than to break out of her house and run around the neighborhood, preferably with her frantic family chasing after her. She’s very fast and almost impossible to catch. According to her family she takes advantage of any opportunity to shoot out the front door and down the street.

“Yeah, I know why you’re here. They don’t want me to have any fun, and somehow that’s my problem?”

I explained that it’s more of a safety issue.

“Give me a break. What could be unsafe about running free?”

I mentioned cars.

“They’ll never catch me – I’m super fast. Plus, let’s discuss the safety of the neighborhood if there are squirrels roaming loose in gangs. I’m protecting the humans from the worst threat there is!”

I started to tell her that squirrels weren’t that dangerous, but she interrupted.

“And another thing! Have you seen those brown trucks making ‘deliveries?’ I can hear those high-pitched sqeaky brakes five blocks away. Maybe I’m the only one who can see through that ruse but I don’t want them anywhere near my den, or my people. I think the trucks are in cahoots with the mailman – he’s pure evil allowed to walk among the innocent.”

I pointed out that the packages are ordered by the humans and they want them to arrive. And that the mailman is not evil.

She sniffed and turned away. I thought I heard her muttering about busy bodies and interfering old biddies but I could be wrong.

I may have to intervene with the family and work with them to keep Misty from escaping. I don’t think I’ll be able to convince her to stop “protecting” the neighborhood.

Thank you to Barbara and Junior for their picture! ~de